5 Ways to Tell if You’re Being Passive Aggressive at Work
Are you as passive aggressive at work as this dinosaur? There’s no question. This article from the Harvard Business Review points out the various signs that you’re being passive aggressive at work. You Don’t Share Your Honest Opinion, Even When Asked Directly
You have an opinion, your own take on a topic. Yet instead of sharing it, even when someone says, “hey, Kathleen, what do you think?” you keep your mouth shut. That way, you’re not on the hook for anything, are you? You didn’t give your opinion, they did things their own way, and it’s not your fault. Think of the last time someone asked you what you thought about work project x. Or did you stay quiet? 2. You Got Upset with a Colleague, but Didn’t Tell Her Why
Unless you’re a professional actor, you cannot possibly get mad at someone without them feeling the chill from you. When someone does something to upset you, which they’ll inevitably do, take a few minutes to compose your thoughts, then take the offending person aside and tell her that when she interrupted you during the meeting, she hurt your feelings. Diffusing a situation before you let it fester by thinking and rethinking and overthinking will save you a lot of unnecessary stress. 3. You Slack Off On Projects You Don’t Find Valuable
Your boss asked you to do something that you saw as having little value, so you didn’t do it. Or you didn’t do it as well as you do other projects that your heart is in. That doesn’t mean you should only do the parts you love — that’s unrealistic. Instead of prioritizing tasks by how much value you find in them, set up a three-tier priority system and classify everything as A (your core tasks), B (projects you’re helping other people with that have some urgency), and C (projects that should be done “one of these days”). Take emotion out of it. Public Praise, Private Criticism
If you’re out in public, you can say, “oh yes, she is so great, isn’t she?” and behind her back, you’re saying, “hey, she really isn’t the bee’s knees, but she looks like she is because of something I helped with,” and that’s being passive aggressive. Try this instead: when you talk about someone behind their back, assume they can hear you. That is, never say something about a coworker (or, hey, anyone) that you wouldn’t say in his or her presence. You use the phrase “It’s Fine” When it is in Fact, Not Fine
You find yourself saying, a little tersely, “sure, fine, whatever you want to do,” when what you want to say is, “actually, I think there’s a better way. Not at all fine. But they can’t pick it up. Or they choose not to. And you get upset. But you shouldn’t. You won’t regret voicing your opinion. Get the work done. When someone upsets you, let them know. When you’re going about your day, keep this list in mind, and ask yourself, “am I being passive aggressive?” If you find that you are, in fact, being passive aggressive, stop that line of conversation in its tracks. The rest of the office thanks you.
Image by jeltovski
