16 Things Every Pregnant Woman Thinks In Her Last Trimester
Through the slow and steady march of the last trimester and into what is hopefully a quick and easy labor, delivery, and recovery, right? Yeah, you’ve heard it right? But I just can’t help but wonder where on earth that expression even came from? What’s ready to pop? My water like a water balloon, even though that rarely happens except in the movies where the mother is then huffing and puffing and screaming for an epidural two seconds later? #2) Maybe if I look around awkwardly for long enough, someone else will pick that up …
I am forever dropping things when I am pregnant. And while sometimes I get lucky enough to have the unfortunate item land directly on my shelf of a belly, more often than not, it’s hitting the ground — and I’m left casting about hoping for a kindly stranger or a closer-to-the-ground small child to pick it up for me. #sorrynotsorry
#3) Right back at ya …
In response to everyone and their brother telling you how big you are. I mean, honestly, it’s not like we go around pointing out people’s sizes on a regular basis, so why on earth is pregnancy any different? #4) No, I don’t trust modern medicine. When people ask you if “you’re sure there aren’t twins in there?!” Well, no, kind stranger, I don’t trust the care provider I have chosen to ensure the safety of me and my offspring, the two ultrasounds I have had, or the now-weekly check-ups. I’m sure they’re all wrong and that you are more qualified to make an accurate diagnosis right here in the middle of the produce section. #5) Hey, I think my belly is a little smaller today! Maybe it’s just me, but every now and then, I wake up feeling a bit optimistic and talk myself into believing that somehow, against all odds, I’m not as big as I think I am. Every night after dinner, I find myself casting around for an excuse to go out for ice cream. The four-year-old took a nap today? The mail came? Always at 3 o’clock in the morning and always after you have finally fallen into a semi-comfortable slumber. I call it nature’s way of preparing me for the inevitable night time feedings. Sad, but true. — and it’s always me. Sigh. I mean, they grow so fast, right? I should probably stock up on a few sizes up … and maybe just get one more teeny-tiny newborn outfit, just in case …
11) Must.have.all.baby.items.ready. I don’t care if you’re only 33 weeks, there’s no reasoning with a nesting mama-to-be. Just in case. 12) Did my water just break? So embarrassing. 13) Quick! Find someone to hide behind! Do I even have a good side anymore? 34 weeks, yes! Only 6 to go! Yes, I totally juice! 15) How in the world did that lady run a race at 34 weeks pregnant? No, really, how did she do it? Because all I need to focus on right now is my own. How many more weeks again?? 7 Easy Ways To Make Your Relationship Sizzle
